Freedom Now

I have freedom now
to do as I please
and I do
and I do
and I do
but I am not pleased

I think of you
I pause on memories
that swirl in my head
and confuse my retrospect
like dreams

But it was more like a nightmare
to be loved that hard
so I left
or you left
doesn't matter which
or who was right
only that we were wrong

I spent a long time in
sober
solemn
silence
and then I cried
tried to make it work
but it wouldn't
it couldn't for reasons
that are seasons
and have since changed
and so have we
so much so
that the two people who
love each other in those photographs
don't exist beyond paper
or outside my head

I have freedom now
to do as I please
and I do
and I do
and I do
but I am not pleased
because I have freedom now
but not you

Traffic

I am driving on fumes

in bumper to bumper

and early evening gloom

I do not know how much

longer I can last

I am way past E

passed three stations

without stopping

I have always been a bit

of a risk taker

I keep the radio low

and my thoughts turned up

Left foot on the dash

heart on the floor

I say out loud:

'I can't do this anymore'

I cannot remember a lot

of last night

the last few months

have collided

in a high-speed pile-up

and it is all one big mess

of twisted metal and emotion

I cannot decipher

moment from moment anymore

my identity

is lying in the street

covered by a sheet

and I do not recognize

my eyes in my rear view

I wade in a pool of self pity

live a small world

in a big city

I break fast and hard

love fast and hard

live fast and hard

I wonder if my life

will always have

this much traffic

The Art of Letting You Go

I placed you by the window
Hoping the wind would blow you out
And that your scent would just dispense
So there would be less to dream about

I let you circle in the sink
Willed you down the rabbit hole
Perhaps if I could end it quickly
Your absence would take no toll

But the wind would not pick up
And you just circled till I was dizzy
Your sent lingered like a shadow
Your absence cut me with great frenzy

I danced with you in dreams
That kept me up all night
Months passed and seasons too
Even summer could not shake my plight

So I put you down on paper
And the load upon my back
Lightened only slightly
Still, I liked the thought of that

So I cried out to my mother
Till I'd dispensed every angry tear
And the rumble once inside me
Was now in my mother's ear

So I put on my running shoes
Ran till you had all but disappeared
And I left you standing on the sidewalk
Miles and miles from here

And every piece that loitered
Became fuel to toss in the fire
And that night I set you ablaze
Left me empty, but so inspired

Still, dreams cannot be tamed
And a time or two we've waltzed once more
But you and the music are gone by morning
I don't live in dreams anymore.