Freedom Now

I have freedom now
to do as I please
and I do
and I do
and I do
but I am not pleased

I think of you
I pause on memories
that swirl in my head
and confuse my retrospect
like dreams

But it was more like a nightmare
to be loved that hard
so I left
or you left
doesn't matter which
or who was right
only that we were wrong

I spent a long time in
sober
solemn
silence
and then I cried
tried to make it work
but it wouldn't
it couldn't for reasons
that are seasons
and have since changed
and so have we
so much so
that the two people who
love each other in those photographs
don't exist beyond paper
or outside my head

I have freedom now
to do as I please
and I do
and I do
and I do
but I am not pleased
because I have freedom now
but not you